INT. POORLY ANIMATED SET IN EDO
SHIROKO
Kabuki is a traditional form of
Japanese theater. It was founded
early in 17th century by Okuni, a
shrine maiden who brought unique
and lively dance style to dry river
beds of ancient capital city of
Kyoto, and over the next 300 years
this has somehow developed into a
X-Box video game. Where are my
Kabuki dance-partners?
GENKI/LIGHTWEIGHT COMPANY
Sorry, never finished them. A few
of us decided to go smoke some
ganja and we sort of forgot about
the game until a day before the
release. Improvise.
SHIROKO channels his CHI inwards and creates TWO DOUBLES of
himself.
SHIROKO
And now we will continue Kabuki
tradition by journeying to Kyoto
and battling many 2-Dimensional
figures for money. KIAI!
SHIROKO and HIS DOUBLES move their dots across the map to
the next town.
INT. POORLY ANIMATED SET IN RANDOM SETTING WITH JAPANESE
NAME
Japanese STEREOTYPES appear and battle SHIROKO.
SHIROKO
Ah-ha! Your skin made of pasty
facial cream prohibits you from
moving side to side. Prepare to
meet super hand detachment attack.
KIAI!
His HAND separates from his body and smacks STEREOTYPE.
Meanwhile, developers from GENKI/LIGHTWEIGHT COMPANY take
sticks and bang on empty metal garbage cans to emulate sound
effects.
STEREOTYPE
Impressive display. Allow me to
look silly and defeat you with
homosexual prowess. KIAI!
JAPANESE STEREOTYPE expands his pants and begins FLUTTERING
through the air. He tries to kick SHIROKO, but SHIROKO’S
HEAD detaches from his body and evades the blow. SHIROKO
then swings his stick and it triggers an EXPLOSIVE PACK, we
assume, on STEREOTYPE. A GALLON of blood explodes.
STEREOTYPE does the same. This repeats back and forth until
the ENERGY BAR drops to nothing, or the screen is covered
entirely in BLOOD.
MORTAL KOMBAT FANS
This is getting boring.
SHIROKO and STEREOTYPE stop fighting, strike a pose at the
audience, and they begin DANCING. This is absolutely
FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Eventually one of them drops
dead. This whole scene repeats itself in different towns
and locations until Kyoto has been reached.
GAME OVER.
